Friday, October 21, 2011

The Insult

I have a little story for you.  A bit wordy, but please bear with me. Yesterday, I was insulted big time by one of my therapy clients.  We had a pleasant session, and as I was walking her to the elevator she told me "We need to go shopping.  I need to take you shopping."  She looked me up and down, smirked a little and told me that many of the clients in her group therapy discuss my clothing.  "We all think that you need to update your clothes."  When I asked her what that meant, she gave me a pat on the back and a look of pity.  "Oh Kinsey.  You need to update your look."  Then she walked away and I was left standing in the hallway. 

I was embarrassed because she told me this in front of several other clients.  At first, I shook it off.  Oh well, someone doesn't like the way I dress.  That's okay, not everyone will.  Then I sat back and thought about the fact that she told me it has been a topic of conversation among people I don't even know.  I was sad, embarrassed and pretty mad.  I know that I can't please everyone, and I am well aware that my style is a little out there a times.  But to have someone say that to my face and give me a look of pity mad me pissed

As a mental health professional, I know that dwelling on the negative instead of looking at the positive can cause a lot of unnecessary stress.  I like the way I dress, and I feel comfortable in my clothing.  So why did this one lady get under my skin so much?  How is it that I can receive positive feedback almost daily from you, my wonderful readers, and people in my life, but this one negative comment put a damper on the rest of my day?  I thought I was past that point in my life where I cared what others thought about my life choices.

So this is where you come in.  As personal style bloggers, we put ourselves out there everyday. We need to be able to accept the good along with the bad.  Has anyone ever insulted your style either online or in real life?  How did you handle it?


Today is the last day to enter my giveaway for a beautiful Stella & Dot necklace!


Here is how I styled the necklace yesterday, along with a Stella & Dot brooch

25 comments:

'Tia said...

All the time!!! But as Bill Cosby said: "I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody." So I just keep it moving. I love me some me!!! At the end of the day, that's all that matters.

btw - I posted your blog feature on my blog today:

http://www.fatandfierce.com/2011/10/fierce-flattery-kinsey-of-in-kinseys.html

Check it out when you get a chance.

www.fatandfierce.com

C Lo said...

I wonder if she meant "you need to dress more like everyone else"

Because "needing updating" is ABSOLUTELY NOT close to any term I would imagine prescribing to your style. I'm just sayin.

Frannie Pantz said...

First of all--the NERVE!!! This woman was probably jealous, bored, or trying to take her issues out on you. She is def being rude. How could a whole group of people sit around and talk about someone else's clothes? Really? Get a life.

I know that it is hard to get negative comments like this one. I have had them alllllll my life with my clothes (both now and when I was a freakshow in high school). Bottom line is that at least someone is talking about your style--is anyone talking about hers? Probably not. I love your style personally and I hope you don't change a thing.

Haters gonna hate. Do your thang girl.

The Suburb Experiment said...

"Update" your look? I. . . don't get it. And I'm not just saying that to make you feel better. You do have kind a 50s flair but modern with a retro twist is not the same as outdated. Weird.

The fact that she made it such a deal makes me think she's kind of a jerk anyway.

Jenn

K said...

Seriously?! I can't even....update? Uhhh You're pretty freakin modern and chic in my eyes.
It sucks that she did that the way she did...and that she would hold discussions about this with people that aren't even around. But what matters most is that you are comfortable in what you wear, and you are. You look great all of the time, you certainly don't need updating and I can only speak for myself here, but you certainly inspire at least this one person to try new things and be braver in my fashion choices. While some might not think much of that, I certainly appreciate it greatly. Not to mention, you inspired me to finally buy my own pair of Jessica Simpson shoes (this pair but mine are in shades of grey http://www.inkinseyscloset.com/2011/08/ebew-pattern-mixing.html) and I LOVE them! So, thank you. No matter what that particular woman and her group think, I think you look fabulous!

I have people in my life that literally laugh in my face about some of the choices I make with clothing (you're wearing pink pants?!) but I know it's just because they would never personally try such a thing. But I wouldn't walk around in a hoodie and sweats every day like they do either, so we just laugh at each other haha

Kibs said...

I happen to love the way you dress and see nothing out dated in it. I agree what someone else said, perhaps she just wants you to.... dress like everyone else? but you know, where's the fun in that if you don't enjoy it?

Bailey - M& said...

Those who take risks with their looks will always be under scrutiny from those who don't, just because of the alleged value of conformity.

It's unfortunate that she felt the need to share such a negative opinion with you, but you can take this as an opportunity to recognize that you do have a unique and individual style. You have a wonderful sense of style, and I think you should take this as confirmation of your sense of individuality and lack of need to conform.

On the flip side, though - when I was manager for a trendy boutique, so many women would compliment me on my choices (that I thought were risky), and say, "Oh, I could never pull it off!" And honestly, if I'm wearing it, anyone can wear it. I steal most of my trends from street style blogs. It's truly a matter of self-confidence more than anything. And you, pretty lady, have plenty of that. Don't lose it.

Frances Joy said...

A wise man once said "Haters gonna hate".
This is a very self-conscious kind of thing and it's scary, exciting, and bewildering to put yourself out there all the time, but I think it's been a journey of discovery for me and a lot of other bloggers. No one is immune to the insults and negativity and I think most of us get it, whether on-line or in person. At the end of the day, though, I feel damn good about myself and my style. It's mine, it's intentional, and it's making me happy so. That.
Keep doing what makes you happy.

Frances Joy said...

A wise man once said "Haters gonna hate".
This is a very self-conscious kind of thing and it's scary, exciting, and bewildering to put yourself out there all the time, but I think it's been a journey of discovery for me and a lot of other bloggers. No one is immune to the insults and negativity and I think most of us get it, whether on-line or in person. At the end of the day, though, I feel damn good about myself and my style. It's mine, it's intentional, and it's making me happy so. That.
Keep doing what makes you happy.

Christine said...

I'm sorry to hear that you have to hang around with such miss guided fashionistas! :P

But seriously, I love your style and find it inspiring! Shake it off!

http://work-it-blog.blogspot.com/

Alyssa said...

Seriously if a group of people are talking about you, you must be doing something RIGHT! Honestly, I don't comment on blogs unless I truly like someone's style/the way they dress. You have FANTASTIC style!

Ashley J said...

Kinsey-just brush it off and don't worry about it! You cannot please everyone all the time and YOU are the only one that matters!

Anonymous said...

I've been following your blog for a few weeks now and I love it! I think your fashion sense is brilliant. I wish that I had half the style you have now when I was a young woman your age. You are truly an inspiration. That patient of yours just doesn't get it.

Jess said...

What? I really like the way you dress. I don't think a lot of people I work with really understand the clothes I wear if that makes you feel any better. I'm glad I take risks with my wardrobe and I dress to make myself happy not other woman who in my opinion dress boring.

Ms. Peach Plus said...

How awful that someone would say that to you! You have a wonderful sense of style that makes you unique. If others have nothing better to do than sit and critique how you dress, then they obviously need to find better uses of their time. You dress to make yourself happy, and that's all that really matters.

SassyUptownChic said...

The audacity of her to say something like that to you and then merely walk away? She's trying to put you down psychologically (which is mental abuse). It's not professional of her to talk or hold a group discussion about YOU. Have you told your boss about this incident? Make others aware of what is going on. Their agenda doesn't sound good and it affects your working with them. Your style is wonderful! I can't get over the woman's blatancy! ((HUG)) This world! This world!
http://sassyuptownchic.blogspot.com/

Sarah vL said...

I recently started following your blog, and I felt so moved by your post that I had to jump over to the site and comment. I love your clothes, the confidence you exude in them, and your overall style and creativity. I'm so, so sorry that your client hurt you and put you down. Know that there are so many more of us out here 'in the interwebs' admiring, inspiring, and caring for you from afar!

Keep up your great work. xo, svl

dotty said...

i find it so incredibly rude that someone would say something like that to you in a professional environment. i bet she wasn't even dressed that well either. i had a friend tell me once that she could "dress nice" like me everyday, but didn't want to. it really bugged me that she trivialized the way that i dress like that. anyway, you are AWESOME and you have a personal style that is incredibly unique and definitely not in need of an update.

Weesha said...

Read this and then went through your blog, and I'm narrowed it down to these explanations:
1) she's jealous
2) maybe she or they think you should be dressing more like them
3) maybe she or they think you should be dressing older (borrrring)
4) they're just haters

I think you have lovely style (and a fabulous shoe collection). Not everyone has to get your style, ignore them and continue being fabulous :)

Boutique Girl said...

I am a new reader and I have to say that I think you have great style and she most likely thinks that you should be dressing like everyone else or she is just plain jealous!!

DaniellaBella said...

That is ridiculous and hurtful. I once had a coworker say to his student (who were also my counselling clients) that anyone who had tattoos, piercing or wore coloured tights was an idiot and shouldn't be in the workplace. It was so horrible because these were my clients too and it totally undermined what I was trying to work with them on...
You have fab style. I often wish I could wear what you do with such panache!

Light Pollution said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Light Pollution said...

Dearest Kinsey,
I remember vintage shopping with you when we were like 14. You have great style. You wear clothes that are YOU... original, bold, unique. Please also consider this... I try really hard to not be the kind of person who hates on the midwest, but seriously, we live in Indiana. Any time I wear anything even remotely daring, stylish or interesting, someone has something snarky to say. Basically, around here, wearing a J Crew sweater is verging on "out there." Indy is a little better than Lafayette, but not by much. You see more people dressed up in Indy, but not necessary stylin' if you know what I mean. So take heart... your style is fab. You are only misunderstood because you are here. That bitch would probably take you to the closest Gap and put you in some horrid grey tone slacks/blousey thing. I'm not normally one to condone this but there are times when it's appropriate to pull out this card: next time you get a comment like that, look at them condescendingly and say, "oh, sometimes I guess I forget I'm in the midwest."

Gwyne

Ace said...

Sister, as a mental health professional, I am guessing you also must know that sometimes there are people who get off on stirring up drama and making other people feel like crap... you know that, right? I also agree with another comment above that said something about "you need to dress like everybody else."

Was she a skinny-mini? ...Because I have a lot of tiny tiny friends who are somehow disillusioned to think that I can wear all the same styles as them, only I have an hourglass figure and they are twiggy, and I just can't wear the same styles without looking like a 4X4 deck-post. Regardless of what this gal meant, remember that there are lots and lots of women like me who adore (and FOLLOW) your sense of style...

Ace said...

P.S. No group of women anywhere are talking crap about your style. I have FAITH that in any group headed down that road, led by the one woman who said this to you, at least one woman would have said, "Hey guys, we're not here to gossip or put others down, right?" This isn't a group of people doing something so stinky, it's one woman and she is a stinker (if not a bully).